Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
