Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
