Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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