I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
