DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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