is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
