thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
