Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
