that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
