i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You're like the curious george of whores
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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