one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
