the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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