Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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