you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
