Soap is not a condiment
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
