can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
