Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
