nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
