i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
