my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize