:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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