im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize