Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
