At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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