You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
