And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
