Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
