We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize