If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
