I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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