We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know her cup size but not her name....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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