I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
