my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
