That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
