I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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