I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
