No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
