There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize