as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
