all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
