whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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