What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
