hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
