Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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