please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
