Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize