There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
