I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
