That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
