Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
