yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
