Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
