You made me cry and you don't even care
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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