I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
