I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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