can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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