My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
