i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
