i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
