i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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