I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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