i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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