So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
