K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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