You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize