new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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