I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
