i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
