Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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