someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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