Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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