my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
