He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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