I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
