i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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