We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
