well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
