Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
