Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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