I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
