I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
