Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
