I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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