someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
