3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize