They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
