Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I checked into jail on foursquare
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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