then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
