we have officially lost it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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