Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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