dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
