i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it was like eating out sand paper
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
