i barfeds in our rink
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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