my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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