I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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